I was hoping that I would not be faced with having to decide if and when I should put my dog to sleep. My dog, Carmina, is 15 years old and has been fighting osteosarcoma for about a year.  Now, it finally seems to be getting the better of her.  I simply cannot decide what is best.  Let her go naturally or have her put to sleep at home.  Just the words “euthanized,” and “put down” make me cringe.  On the other side, as she starts to have a harder time to breathe, it hurts me to think of her dying from lack of oxygen.

Right now, she is resting comfortably.  She still barks when I come home, she still eats like a pig, and can walk very short distances on her own.  I do have to carry her across the house and to the yard, as she get winded and weak very quickly. She lost 10 lbs since the cancer took hold and is now only 50lbs, but lifting her is still difficult.

I asked my vet for guidance, and he told me, “Go with your gut. Your gut is always right.”  That is probably the best advice anyone can give.  I take it day by day.  I watch her, then listen to my gut.  Today, it says not yet.

I don’t think my heart yet understands what my head knows, that time with my girl is short.  Probably only days.  I wish she could tell me what to do, and what she wants.  Or maybe she is, and that is what my gut tells me.  For tonight, I’ll tell her goodnight and see what the morning brings.